Regrets
by RottenSeahorse
Summary: Loki is now defeated, and the depression could not be worse. He's regretted everything he has done, and wishes nothing more than for his life to end...that is until the comfort from an unsuspecting man shows him how important Loki really is. TonyXLoki.
1. Chapter 1

The fighting was over, the threat to humanity was now gone, and everyone could rest easy. Everyone, of course, except the villain himself. He was defeated, cast out, punished for his treachery to live on the planet his older brother watched over with an eagle's eye. Loki was convinced- no…no he _knew _no one cared to speak to a monster like Loki. He even disgusted himself.

He was punished by Asgarde to be sent back to Earth, still intact with his powers, but carefully guarded by SHIELD, and the National Guard. He was to live in California, close enough to where the Avengers lived.

Loki hated his life. He had never felt any pure happiness in his life, even as a small child. His frozen heart ached every waking moment of his life. No one would ever understand his pain, how every morning he would hate waking up, seeing the day stretched out before. How he would sometimes curl up on his bed, alone and forgotten, and let the tears trickle down his face, no matter how much he hated to cry. How he would occasionally attempt suicide; a strong gulp of ammonia, or bleach; a knife to the throat; hanging himself.

He'd always remember he was a god; they didn't die as easily as mortals did. He wanted to give up, throw in the towel almost, he almost wanted to storm in and confront his brother at Stark tower, beg him to end his life right now. But he would not show his brother how much pain and weakness he felt.

Sometimes he would look out of his apartment window, looking at the beach that stretched before him, seeing the silhouette of Stark Tower in the distance and grimace. He could feel his heart clench in pain, remembering the people he had effected. Deep inside, he regretted everything he did. He regretted starting the war against earth, he regretted almost strangling Tony Stark to death…he also regretted killing Son of Coul.

He looked down at his hands in disgust. These…murderous hands, that caused so much blood and destruction. He shoved them into the pockets of his dark denim jeans, not wanting to look at them. He saw his reflection in the window, and felt hot tears well up in his eyes. He couldn't take being the monster that he was, it was almost too much. He longed to try suicide again, anything that could help him end his suffering, but as he looked around his bedroom, all he could do was think of sleeping. All he could think of was falling into the black hole of sleep, hoping death would come by during that time, and take him quietly. No one would miss him, he was very sure of this.

His body shuddered as he crawled painfully into his bed, the soft sheets bringing no comfort for the God. The pains he felt in his wrists where he delivered long and semi deep cuts ached from the slow heal, and his scarred neck strained as he let his head fall back on the pillow. His throat still burned, and his eyes watered horribly.

He hugged himself, turning over onto his side and faced the wall, shivering in his cooled bedroom. His unkempt hair frayed at his shoulders, making his pale features glow in the sunrise. He had only been able to sleep for a couple of hours, until the nightmares and the screaming started. He even woke up neighbors above him, and received harsh kicks of tennis shoes and yelling from above.

He looked down at his wrists, tears blurring his vision as he rubbed a thumb delicately over each individual cut that traced from his wrist up to the middle of his arm. Each were throbbing and red, some even still had fresh blood that was clotting to make scabs. With each cute down his left arm, he thought of someone he had harmed in some way.

Son of Coul

Thor

Man of Iron

His adopted parents

Asgarde

Earth

…Himself

With each name, his tears got thicker in his eyes, and the more he wanted to scream out in agony. His stomach churned angrily and he sat up, having the biggest urge to vomit. "Brother…why...why must I be lied to…why must I hurt everyone…am I that imperfect?" He cried to himself before getting up and stumbling into the bathroom, spilling the contents of his previous meal into the toilet.

Loki had been wondering the streets of Santa Barbara for a couple of hours, a dark green hoodie hugging his slim yet masculine figure and the hood flipped up to cover his face. His hands were burrowed deep into his pockets, and his head was turned down to the street as he walked. He hadn't left his house in a week, so being out and about near social people made his skin crawl, but he needed the fresh air, and the chance to maybe run into some people that wouldn't want to run into him…

As he rounded a corner, stepping onto the gritty sidewalk near an old run-down sushi restaurant, he saw someone that struck him as all too familiar. The Man or Iron was standing in front of the abandoned sushi restaurant, his head tilted up to the faded letters of the sign. He was deep in thought, and didn't notice the God right away.

Loki felt his throat close up with fear, and he started to step back onto the corner again to go the other way, but he misplaced a step and went sprawling over the curb onto the oncoming traffic. A car screeched to a halt in front of his head, not a foot away from where he lay. His head pounded in his chest, and he cursed to himself, only wishing the car didn't stop…

"Can't help but notice the deep shit you're in, man." Tony stated, a smirk spread on his face. Loki looked up at him, shame swimming in his eyes as he noticed one of his great enemies. He picked himself up off of the street, after meeting eyes with the driver of the car (a woman that was having an episode thinking she killed someone) and waving her saying he was alright. He saw her blush at him, and drive off.

He then noticed Tony's hand was outstretched, but it immediately came down to his side. The mortal was wanting to help him up, or wanting to greet him? Loki shook the thought away and glared the billionaire up and down. "Why are you…even talking to me, mortal?" Loki spat, his ice blue eyes piercing into Tony's shaded eyes.

"Think you should get out of the street there, great god?" Tony teased, pointing at the cars that had suddenly started to appear behind Loki. The God of Lies blushes, hiding his face in his hood and stepping back up onto the sidewalk. He didn't look up at the man of iron. "Have anything else to say, mortal?" Loki hissed, his eyes thick and glazed over with pain and, even more surprising, vulnerability.

Tony didn't respond, only stared into his eyes with surprise. Loki looked away, his eyes stinging with tears. "Get away from me, Man of Iron. I am a wanted man, a villain, a monster and you are the hero, the dragon slayer, the bounty hunter!" His voice rose with every word, and people on the street started to look their way.

"Hey, God of Lies, calm yourself. I'm not going to hurt you." Tony replied, throwing his hands up in retreat toward the older man as Loki advanced on him. Loki paused on the sidewalk, his stinging eyes widening and his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, and his clenched fists relaxing at his side. "What mean you?" He asked softly, almost afraid of the weaker man.

"I'm off duty!" Tony exclaimed, using a lame excuse, for being a "superhero" you're never off duty. Loki seemed to relax somewhat from the man, but his shoulder still tensed from just being in front of the Man of Iron. Tony tried to smile to lighten the mood, but the look the God gave him almost sent shivers down his spine.

"Why are you even speaking to me?" Loki whispered, almost in fright. Tony's eyebrow lifted as he gazed at the God, before replying, "Well, since you have no intention of ripping out my intestines and watching me crawl around on the floor like some dying insect, I thought 'hey, why not have an actual conversation this time! Since the last time I spoke to him he was strangling the hell out of me'!"

Loki felt his face grow hot, and not from the afternoon heat that surrounded them. Tony outstretched a hand in invitation, "Come on, man, let's just take a walk." Even though Loki's mind thought against the strange act of kindness, his body couldn't be controlled as he nodded stiffly and walked beside the Man of Iron down the street. He mentally slapped himself for even coming out here today, but his body needed to be around someone that didn't want to kill him…or so he thought, he wasn't too sure.

They had walked from the old run down sushi restaurant that they had run into each other at all the way down to West Beach. Loki kicked some sand up with his shoe, watching it catch with the wind and scatter through the air before settling back down farther down the shoreline. Not a lot of words were spoken from their long trip down to the beach, but Tony could already feel the God almost relax around him now.

Loki felt more comfortable, which was true, but he wasn't ready to open up to the man just yet, he felt as If he was being tricked. "So how's life been after all of that crazy excitement from just a couple weeks ago?" Tony asked his voice very cheery for asking such a dark and annoying question. Loki reeled on him from where he was standing with his feet in the sand, his eyes ablaze with hot ice. "How's _LIFE BEEN? _How DARE you ask me such an insulting question!" He screamed at him, his hands coming up and placing them on Tony's biceps. The billionaire felt his skin grow goose bumps, and it was almost as if ice was entering through his blood stream dangerously fast.

Tony yelled in surprise falling back on the sand and getting distance from Loki's hands as much as he could. He felt his whole body shiver and shudder in the warm sand as heat entered back into his arms. He looked down at his arms, seeing the skin tissue was blue, but sighed in relief as it slowly turned back to its normal color. "I didn't…I didn't mean to be so…" His breath was caught in his throat like a vice grip as he tried to calm the God down.

Loki's lifted hands made his jacket sleeves fall down against the middle of his arm, and that's when Tony saw them. The large, almost horridly deep gashes on each arm, still red and throbbing. Tony picked himself off of the ground, and Loki could tell something was wrong, for the God turned his back on the man and pulled his jacket sleeves down over his hands. "I'm sorry…but honestly that questions is about as stupid as your attitude." Loki spat, hiding his unshed tears.

Tony didn't say a word, but walked up to the God, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses. "What happened?" he asked, hushed and almost angrily. Loki stood there, the warm sand seeping through his pant legs, with an expression of surprise spread across his perfect face. "Wh-what are you—."

Tony then proceeded to grab Loki's arm through the jacket, bring it up to eye level, and then wrench the sleeve down to his elbow. Loki hissed through his teeth, for the pain was still raw, and watched as Tony looked at every singular scratch that was made across his flesh. Loki's eyes hadn't stopped watering, and when he gazed at his own scars a tear decided to break free and cascade down his cheek.

"I mean, I know most of society hates you but…do you really hate yourself that much…?" Tony asked, his voice no longer dripping with sarcasm, but this time thick with concern and almost disgust. Loki wrenched his hand away. Everyone was disgusted in him. "You don't understand my pain, mortal." He hissed, his jaw clenched very tight as he held in the tears that threatened to fall more.

Tony put his own hand on his chest, feeling the arc reactor's hard exterior against his fingertips, "I can probably imagine." He replied, not looking at the man before him. Loki wrenched his sleeve back down over his scars, clenching his teeth in pain from the fabric rubbing against his red and sensitive skin.

"Yo…loki…" Tony began, and Loki turned to him in surprise. No one ever called him Loki except…his brother. His body shivered at the thought of his brother. "It's not every day I'm kind to someone who tried to destroy the planet I'm living on but…right now I have this strong feeling to help you…"

The God grit his teeth at Tony, "I don't need your pity, mortal. Even in this mental state I could still easily kill you. Without your suit, you're about as fragile as an ant." Tony cocked an eyebrow, not the least bit threatened by the God. "I'm inviting you for some help. Going to accept it or not?"

Loki felt his body feel defeat as his feet moved against his mind's will, following the man up the beach to the road that looked over the shoreline. "Why do you wish to help me?" Loki asked, his voice shaking with fear and doubt. Tony didn't look at him as he walked down the street with his car keys in hand. "I don't know, man. But…something about you makes me think you're not really a threat to me anymore."

Loki felt himself sink, his body felt weak, his mind felt weakened, because he knew all too well that this mortal…this mortal of Iron…was right.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki should have guessed Tony had two houses. One was near the north part of California, while Stark tower rested near the south part. Where they were headed was his northern house. Loki was uncomfortable, seated in Tony's leather seated convertible Ferrari, the wind nipping his skin and whipping his jet black hair behind him. His aching neck had to strain against the wind, which harmed his sliced neck even more than it normally would hurt.

The house was rather small compared to the Stark Tower, with only two stories. Tony got out of the car, heading up to the house and not waiting to see if Loki would follow. The God wanted to just dig a hole for himself and crawl in it, but he wouldn't show any signs of fear or doubt toward the billionaire, so he followed the man inside of the house.

The door opened up into the Living room, which contained a large black leather sofa, a glass coffee table, and a large flat screen on the other side of the wall. The walls were painted a soft blue with grey borders, and the red paintings of different objects (and one of iron man of course) contrasted beautifully with the paint.

Tony set his car keys and his house key on the counter table that started the threshold of the kitchen, and looked over at Loki, "Come with me." He stated. Loki shot a glance over at the man, "Don't tell me what to do." But he followed Tony nonetheless. The first floor seemed to travel on forever as they walked down the hallway leading to many rooms. "Why must you have two houses, Man of Iron?" Loki asked as he gazed into the rooms.

"Sometimes I'd like to be alone. This place is the only one I can think of." Tony replied, turning into the large bathroom fit for a king. Loki cocked an eyebrow when he entered, and stood uncomfortably next to the mirror while he watched Tony dig into the cabinets.

"What are you doing?" Loki asked hostility thick in his voice. His mind reeled. He was stupid to be here, in his enemies' house, standing in his bathroom, totally vulnerable. He made a step backward, hitting the side of the door in the process. Tony looked up after grabbing some Peroxide and bandages. "Loki, for the last time. You pose no threat to me, I will not pose a threat to you, and so you don't need to be nervous." He sounded annoyed, and Loki's eyebrows furrowed.

"Sit down." Tony stated, motioning toward the closed toilet seat. Loki shot a look at Tony, his eyes piercing through Tony's calm exterior. The billionaire looked down at Loki's shirt collar, "Please. I'm not trying to attack you or something. I just want you to sit down for my please."

"What are you going to do?" Loki hissed through his clenched teeth, his neck aching from the tension he put on his muscles. Tony showed him the bandages and the Peroxide, and motioned for him to sit. Loki sighed in defeat, sitting down and pulling the hood off of his head.

Loki pulled up a sleeve of his jacket, watching as Tony uncorked the peroxide bottle and trickled it along the throbbing cuts. Loki couldn't help but scream along, gritting his teeth in pain. Tony smirked, looking up at Loki's pain-filled eyes, "Wow, a God cries over a little Peroxide?"

"Sh-shut up Stark." Loki groaned, biting his tongue as he watched the peroxide drip into the scars. Tony then reached for the counter and grabbed the bandages, wrapping them tightly around Loki cut arm, trying to be as tender as he could be. Loki almost felt touched by how much Tony seemed to care about the most wanted man in the planet. "Why are you doing this?" Loki whispered, his voice thick with pain and sadness.

Tony didn't look up at the harmed God, but tied off the bandage and sat back for a moment. "Loki. I've said this too many times, I'm not saying it again…" He took a moment of silence to look Loki up and down, which made the God turn red. "Be honest with me…anywhere else you've…harmed yourself?"

Loki felt his arms shake as he carefully pulled up his other sleeve to show a couple of slits in his wrist and unzipped his jacket completely open to expose his sliced and red throat. He felt exposed to this man, and wanted to crawl up in himself and disappear. Tony's face when he saw the self-inflicted wounds made Loki want to leave just then. _Pity _was in those eyes. Those…those caring eyes.

Loki felt his eyes gather tears. "You shouldn't be helping me…" He whispered as Tony started to clean and bandage the other arm. Tony didn't answer, just sighed softly as he tied off the bandage and looked over at Loki's stretched out neck. For some reason…the way Loki stretched out his neck turned the billionaire on. It made his mind reel and his stomach churn. He looked like, instead of waiting for to be healed by the billionaire, he wanted him to take advantage of him. Tony had to hold himself back from licking his lips.

Tony awkwardly moved to the side of the toilet seat, trying to get as close to Loki's neck as he could while he dabbed the Peroxide bottle with a cotton swab. "Keep still for me." He whispered, dabbing the scar with the drenched cotton swab. Tony felt Loki's Adam's apple bob as he gulped and held his breath. Tony could feel Loki's muscles tense as Tony delicately worked on fixing him.

When Tony finished Loki's neck, he leaned back on the linoleum floor, "Keep bandages off of your neck, and keep the jacket off of it, too. It needs time to heal…" He put the supplies away as Loki sat up and went to zip up his jacket to conceal his body again. He'd been waiting to cover himself back up to hide from this man.

"Is that all of the scars?" Tony asked softly, closing the cabinet and turning to Loki. Loki smirked, chuckling shortly before he stood up himself, rubbing his bandaged wrists. "If you could heal my emotional trauma, the screams in my nightmares, etc. then be my guest." He had said too much, and he looked up at Tony in shock and shame.

"You can't sleep?" Tony asked, his eyebrow cocked. Loki looked away in shame. "It's nothing- I shouldn't have said anything. I…I should be going." Loki stammered, heading out of the bathroom in haste. Tony followed after him, "Loki."

The God turned behind him, catching the billionaire's eyes. Tony took off his glasses, rubbing them with his shirt, "If you…if you need anything else, you can come to me. Trust me; I'm not all that bad of a guy." He stated a smirk plastering on his face.

Loki suddenly smiled back at the man, "I'll consider it, mortal." He spat. With a wave of his hand, he disappeared from Tony's house. The billionaire stood in the emptiness, the feeling of Loki still around him for a moment longer. He just opened a door of Loki's personal life he should have left closed but…deep inside him wanted to be involved and…and to help in some way.

He rubbed his temples in confusion. This was a bad idea, talking to this wanted man was a horrible idea…but the feeling he had felt when Loki opened himself to him in the bathroom…_trusted_ him…was something more than just a friendship. If he was crazy like everyone thought, he would have believed he was developing feelings for the God of Mischief and Lies…

No…No that's not right. It couldn't be.

_**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**_

Later that night, Tony was asleep in his northern house when he heard the window to his bedroom open with a billow of cold night air. He woke up with a shiver, turning to the open window and groaning. He wasn't a very friendly person when he was tired, and with many curse words to assist him, he got up and closed the open window.

That was when he felt someone in the room with him. The glow from his arc reactor lit his path as he turned around to view his dimmed bedroom. Although it was hard to tell, he did detect a shadowed figure by his bedroom door, and Tony backed up to the dresser to grab his gun. "Who are you…what are you doing in my house." He hollered at the shadow.

The shadow created footsteps as it slowly came out from the shadows and into the glow of Tony's arc reactor. It was Loki.

"What the- _WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE_?" Tony exclaimed, calming his muscles and putting the gun back on top of the dresser.

"I've been thinking…" Loki said, his hands behind his back in a non-threatening stance. "When you told me earlier about…if you could help me with anything…and I said I would consider it?" Tony nodded slowly, staring at Loki still in shock that he decided to drop by at 3:00 a.m.

"I need you to do something for me…" Loki started shyly, looking down as he advanced on Tony. The billionaire felt his body tense in doubt, and his hand snaked toward the gun again. "What is it, Loki?"

Before Tony could tell what was happening, Loki was a couple inches in front of him, his arms snaked around his waist and he felt his glowing chest be pressed to Loki's soft cotton black shirt. Tony was in too much shock to react to this sudden act, and he just stood there, not hugging back for a long moment.

"Can you please…hold me Tony? I haven't felt anything close to comfort in all of my life…I thought maybe you could help me at least a little…" Loki whispered into his shoulder. Tony felt his warm breath cascade over his shoulder, yet he shivered. To Loki's pleasure, Tony didn't reject and snaked his arms around Loki's waist as well. "L-Loki…what made you-?"

"Man of Iron, hugging must not have conversation in it as well." Loki hissed softly, his arms becoming firmer around his torso. Tony gasped, and held onto Loki as well, not letting go. Tony felt the God's head nuzzle into Tony's neck, and he didn't object…

No, he didn't object at all…in fact…the feeling came back from earlier…and Tony loved it.


End file.
